jtd@dec.uk.net

The idea suddenly came to him as he sat at work on a Bank Holiday Monday. It was such a simple idea that would change his life forever and it was all his own handiwork. Jack Bradford made himself another cup of tea as a kind of celebration and sat down at his desk in the sales suite.

Jack worked as a Sales Executive selling New Homes to people who could afford them. He was working in Hampton Hill, a rather ‘nice’ area of SW London and he was responsible for selling 14 one and two bedroom apartments some with a park view. The job provided him with a focus but not really the stimulation he required. Few people came in to view the show flat during the weekdays so he would have to busy himself in other means and spent most of the days thinking, plotting and planning. For some this job would be ideal! But for Jack it was so boring and he longed for something else – a new challenge perhaps?

Jack had always enjoyed writing and had written many short stories over the years. None had been published, as he realised he needed greater exposure and a suitable vehicle to gain recognition as a writer. What could have been more suitable than the job vacancy that appeared in the Teddington News and Mail at the end of April.

It said,

Jack applied and was duly shortlisted. He attended the interview and was offered the job with an initial three-month contract, which could be extended after the probationary period was completed satisfactorily. It was decided that he would write under the name of ‘Danny Venture’ add it had ‘a certain ring to it’ as the editor said on three occasions. The editor was a man of repetition, as Jack would soon discover. Jack was not really fussed about his working name as long as he got some money out of it.

Fortunately his current sales job gave him time to write his correspondence at work. He was lucky about this, as writing at home would have proven quite difficult with the wife and kids constantly interrupting him for this and that, in their small two bed house.

So by the 16^th May he was ready to write and was given the postbag containing 135 letters to process. The letters all asked for some kind of help. Those asking for money were put in the reject pile. Those asking for sex advice were put in the ‘sex’ pile and those concerning failing relationships were duly placed in the ‘relationships’ file.

It was his intention to answer all letters with standard letters fitting the general theme. These would contain additional advice and suitable support organisation contact numbers for the writer. Those of a wider appeal would be published with his answers. He was directed to use just three letters per week, as this was all the space allowed on page 12.

The first chosen letter read,

His inspired and unique answer read as follows,

It would be true that Jack had a few pints at lunchtime before he wrote that liberal, provocative answer but he held true to it and submitted it for publication. The Editor was over worked that week of first publication so he just read two of the three letters and replies. They seemed routine enough and offered appropriate advice, but he did not read the third. He would regret that in hindsight.

Late into the evening the production team were concerned about the suitability of the third letter and sent a memo to the Editor. He was out of the office for a few days and the assistant Editor was off work sick. The third in command authorised it without reading Danny Venture’s letter, as she was covering three people’s work. So the letter was duly published much to Jack’s delight.

There was an outcry! The phones started to ring as soon as the first copies were sold and read over breakfast. Various churches, organisations were concerned about the poor moralistic advice given and also that the advice was written by a minor (u18) namely Master Danny Venture. The Editor read the complaints in utter disbelief and summoned Jack in after work that same day to discuss a possible written retraction and his future position within the newspaper.

At 4.00pm the mood of the phone calls changed slightly. Those who protested had had their say and now the more liberal folk wished to speak. Some said it was delightfully refreshing to have so much humour in the usual boring advice letters. Others said that ‘offering such ridiculous and inappropriate advice it was making a complete mockery of the agony column. For this sole reason it should continue!’ Another caller said that ‘I haven’t cried so much since the cat died!’ John was not quite sure how to take that particular comment but would use it in his report to the board.

John Garner (Editor) was sitting in his office just reading the last of the hundred or so emails the letter had generated when Jack Bradford knocked at the door.

"Come in it’s open."

"You wanted to see me, John?" said Jack.

"Yes I did, Jack. Please sit down."

Jack sat down and noticed the pile of letters on the editor’s desk.

"The third letter you wrote has caused an uproar. What on earth did you think you were doing Jack?"

Jack had planned what he wanted to say so he ran off his response.

"I wanted to bring a different dimension to the agony advice column. It seemed to need it"

"Well you certainly did that, Jack!"

"These columns are so contrived, stale and most readers ignore them. I wanted to offer something totally different."

"Yes, like?"

"I wanted to introduce humour and make the answers to just one of the letters so ridiculous that it would just make people laugh. We need more humour in our sad world, John."

"Perhaps, it would have been more appropriate to run that idea past me first?" suggested John Garner.

"Yes, I had thought of that. Would you have let me go ahead?"

"Certainly not!"

"But look at the interest it has generated."

"What are you suggesting?" asked John.

"I continue for the next month."

"What, but…"

"If your readership doesn’t double by then I will stop."

"Our readership could half and our revenue would drop. It would be a great risk. I’m not sure."

"Look at the interest generated so far. They will be expecting a printed retraction or response so more will buy the newspaper next week. We will give them something to read, trust me on that!"

John Garner thought about it for a while and remembered his last board meeting where he was set a target to increase the number of sales. This could be just the vehicle he needed to achieve this target with the minimum of effort. It was risky but he was prepared to give it a go.

"Ok, Jack. We need to get some ground rules here. All the drafts come before me and will not be printed without my sole approval. Do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly."

"You will continue with the new formula i.e. two ordinary letters and one ridiculous one."

"Fine by me. Now is there anything else?" asked Jack who was anxious to get off home to see the wife and kids.

"I look forward to receiving your text by Thursday’s deadline."

"No problem. By John."

"Bye."

Jack closed the door behind him and was pleased how their meeting went. They were both in a ‘win, win’ situation as both had got what they wanted. But would the reality be the same?

Jack spent all of the weekend and most of his working day Monday ploughing through the 1,245 letters, nearly four times the usual amount. Most were just commenting on his style and article but about 35% still wanted some sort of advice. Jack left the 65% to a standard reply letter he would draft later and concentrated on the remaining 35%. They contained the three broad themes relationships, sex and money. He decided to respond to the latter. The original letter read,

Jack carefully considered the answer and wrote,

Jack smiled as he wrote the last sentence and sent it to John Garner via email. He didn’t have to wait very long for the reply.

John said that he liked it very much and would print it without any alterations.

After publication letters flooded in from grateful parents who could use Danny’s streetwise advice to motivate their children. The readership increased by 20% and that was just in two weeks. It all seemed to be going to plan.

Public interest grew in Master Danny Venture. They wanted to know who this wise young lad was. Several teenagers claimed to be him and other newspapers interviewed them and wrote articles trying to boost their own sales. The Teddington News and Mail had to respond somehow to keep and increase their market share, after all they owned the rights to this commodity. So they printed a formal interview with pictures in the next edition. A child actor was used for the photo shoot and he was chosen to appear to be the most casual, trendy kid off the block. He was dressed in a tracksuit and dripping in gold jewellery like your typical scally boy you see hanging around street corners and shopping arcades.

After that publication the letters mainly came from teenagers who wanted help with their problems. The major theme was bullying at school and the following letter was a good example of this,

Jack read the letter over and over again and wondered what to say. It was clear that direct intervention was required. He dialled the number but waited until after school. He spoke at length to Nick’s mum and then to Nick. They met the following evening and discussed their plans. Nick came away from the meeting feeling a lot taller and lighter. He was looking forward to next Friday’s newspaper.

Jack carefully ran the idea past John who was very sympathetic. As his child had been bullied at school. Jack was given the go ahead after he had spoken to the police, the headteacher, parents and their own legal team to cover their own backs.

In the Friday edition the answer was short and to the point,

Pete Bagley got up late as usual and threw on his school uniform in his usual, casual way. He didn’t bother to wash and went downstairs to grab some breakfast.

"Mum? Hey mum? What’s for breakfast?" he shouted.

No answer came. He thought that unusual, as she was always there to wait upon him hand and foot. He opened the fridge door and got the milk out. He poured some cereal into a bowl and covered it with the last of the milk. He didn’t care that there would be no milk left for his mum’s morning coffee. That was when he noticed his own face staring out at him from the newspaper. He picked it up and read it.

Pete’s blood ran cold. He knew it was all true but how was he going to face school now. If he stayed at home they would come looking for him. If he ran away and hid he would have to face up to it sometime. He had no choice but to go to school. He picked up his bag full of incomplete homework and walked the most direct route to school.

A bus passed him with a life-sized picture of him and the caption ‘To Catch a Bully!’ The people on the bus stared at him.

As he passed the newsagents his face was plastered all over the front pages. He ran past hoping that no one was going to see him. To his horror each lamp post had the same advert that was plastered over each passing bus. It was beyond a joke and he felt threatened like he had never felt before. Being vulnerable was not his cup of tea and he did not want to empathise with any of his victims but he was being forced by external agents to face up to his crime.

The signs continued all the way to school but then changed format as he reached the school entrance. They read,

‘We acknowledge we have bullying at our school and we aim to be a telling school where the victims of bullying can speak out and will always be listened to. We also appreciate that those who witness bullying are affected even as much as the victim. So Peter Bagley I shall see you in my office as you arrive at school.

Pete took a deep breath and entered the main entrance. Some passing year 7 pupils sniggered at him as he climbed the short flight of steps to the head’s office. He knocked and entered when the red light changed to green. His life was about to change as he took responsibility for his actions for the first time. He was a little step closer to being a good citizen.

In the next edition Nick wrote a letter to Danny Venture.

If Jack ever needed assurance that his ideas were working this letter provided it. The sales doubled in four weeks as planned and Jack now writes as Danny Venture for the under 18s and Max Fulton for the adult readers. The format is still unorthodox and stimulating for the readers.

Jack has now published four novels as he got that media exposure he was seeking prior to publication. They now have a much larger house and value honesty and truth that Danny Venture provided.

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